So I'm going to share with you my first steps after telling my family. Both of them helped and both of them were very hard for me. First I went to visit a friend's husband who was dying of ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease) and had been hospitalized so long that I had never ever met him. My Son was going over regularly to help with physical therapy and said that I would really like him. So off to visit Michael I went.
My first impression. A Man that must have at some time been very large (which was confirmed later by family pictures) but now was just a mere skeleton. His legs and arms had atrophied and he had a Trachea tube in. But what an amazing person. What an amazing couple. Karen, his wife, buzzed around him sharing all the things that were going on and asking what he thought. His communication was mostly eye blinks and smiles. She had brought him Taco Bell food - he hated hospital food. I was wallowing in my personal depression having just that day been given my personal death sentence but being there with the two of them made my world straighten right up. Yes, this could be, in part, my personal future - a hospital bed and waiting for the end. But truly these two fought till the end and loved and supported each other. As Karen told me when we left 'somedays are good and somedays aren't - you just treasure the good one's'. A goal for the rest of my life.
The second thing that occurred was my Priesthood blessing. Again a reminder that I am Mormon, a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. And at this point again I have to bear my witness of God and his goodness. The Priesthood power here on this earth is evidence of that. Each blessing that I have received in my life has been life changing. Some have brought hope and some have taught me patience. All have spoken to my soul. This blessing far surpassed anything that I have ever had before.
The blessing was given by a good friend, Edward, and my Husband, Jeffery. Jeffery asked Edward to be the voice for the blessing since Jeffery was sure that he would never make it through. We have a joke in our home that all Priesthood blessings are accompanied by a shower. Yup, I married a crier - wouldn't have it any other way :)
The blessing was more than 15 minutes long and most of it was actually directed to my family. I hope you will forgive me but it was such a personal experience that I don't feel that I should share what was said that day with all of you. Just know that I was blessed with peace whatever may come and that I was not promised anything about surviving. My Son said later that I was promised that I would survive but I never heard it. I think that not hearing was an important part of my learning experience that needed to come from this challenge. If I had heard that I would survive then I wouldn't have worried. But as it was I learned to live with fear as my constant companion. I trusted the Lord but I also did not want to do this - hence the fear of what the cancer experience would bring. I hate pain - no, I think you would understand better if I said I feared pain. This was the basis of my fear.
So what to do next - well the month of May was full of tests. Another CT Scan with 'banana crap' for imaging, a bone scan to confirm that my bones were clear of the cancer and a MUGGA for my heart. One of the drugs I was to be given was Herceptin to fight the HER2 positive cancer. Unfortunately it is very destructive to your heart, hence the MUGGA. Lots of blood was taken too - I figure there is enough blood that has been taken from me over the few couple of years to make another one of me somewhere.
Next- the final go around and then Chemo.
Next Link :) Part 7
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Making Eggs - Eggs-sigh-ting
Sorry for the horrible title but Eggs just lend themselves to it. :)
So my last blog was on eggs for breakfast - still trying to eat myself healthier - so what do I put on or with eggs that can make them better.
Salt - I use too much salt and I know that but I just have never found anything to replace it. I did look to see if any salt is better than another - no - rats. Some have better minerals (sea salt) and some have added iodine (table salt) and some are better loved by chefs (kosher salt) but they are all just salt. Now don't get me wrong salt is an important part of keeping us chemically balanced. We need it, we just don't need so much of it. Salt substitutes use Potassium Chloride as part of their chemical properties and too much of that isn't good for you either (it also affects certain medicines that you take so consult a Doctor before switching to a salt substitute). So what it comes down to is watch the salt. There are Salt free spices that might be worth considering too.
Egg Substitutes - I have tried egg substitutes and they're great for mixing with stuff (like in cakes) but taste awful as a stand alone item (scrambled). They have less fat and cholesterol but . . . I did find an article that suggested mixing one egg with an egg white based substitute. I'm going to try this and get back to you on it.
Mixing in Veggies - this was suggested by a nutritionist when I was in a study of food and it's affects on Cancer. Adding Spinach, mushrooms, onion, zucchini, fresh tomatoes or using pico de gallo on your eggs adds a whole new level of healthy eating. I struggle with getting enough veggies in my diet and don't want to just drink my veggies so this works really well. It helps to cook the veggies first (except the spinach and tomatoes) and then add the egg.
Finally what comes to me is cheese - I have been known to make a fairly good omelet but I usually end up making more of a country style omelet than the fancy french style. But I always add cheese. It is a good source of calcium but is it also high in fat. I think if you can do without then do without.
My favorite way of having eggs is in eggs Benedict (my Daughter makes it awesome) - lets see, poached eggs, good, Canadian bacon, not so good, whole wheat English muffins, good, holindaise sauce, definitely a no no. Hmmm looks like Eggs Benedict is not on my list :( Think if I added some spinach to it it would help? Didn't think so.
Back to the drawing board.
Next I think I will hit the veggies that I mentioned in this blog. First up will be Spinach.
PS - tried the egg substitute made primarily from egg whites this morning - mixed 1 egg with 1/4 cup of substitute - yuck! I would rather just have one egg. Sadly I bought a whole box of the egg substitute at the local Costco - I guess I'm going to use the rest of it in baking. Lesson - only buy a single if you are trying it out for the first time, if it works, great, if not you won't have wasted your money (duh!).
So my last blog was on eggs for breakfast - still trying to eat myself healthier - so what do I put on or with eggs that can make them better.
Salt - I use too much salt and I know that but I just have never found anything to replace it. I did look to see if any salt is better than another - no - rats. Some have better minerals (sea salt) and some have added iodine (table salt) and some are better loved by chefs (kosher salt) but they are all just salt. Now don't get me wrong salt is an important part of keeping us chemically balanced. We need it, we just don't need so much of it. Salt substitutes use Potassium Chloride as part of their chemical properties and too much of that isn't good for you either (it also affects certain medicines that you take so consult a Doctor before switching to a salt substitute). So what it comes down to is watch the salt. There are Salt free spices that might be worth considering too.
Egg Substitutes - I have tried egg substitutes and they're great for mixing with stuff (like in cakes) but taste awful as a stand alone item (scrambled). They have less fat and cholesterol but . . . I did find an article that suggested mixing one egg with an egg white based substitute. I'm going to try this and get back to you on it.
Mixing in Veggies - this was suggested by a nutritionist when I was in a study of food and it's affects on Cancer. Adding Spinach, mushrooms, onion, zucchini, fresh tomatoes or using pico de gallo on your eggs adds a whole new level of healthy eating. I struggle with getting enough veggies in my diet and don't want to just drink my veggies so this works really well. It helps to cook the veggies first (except the spinach and tomatoes) and then add the egg.
Finally what comes to me is cheese - I have been known to make a fairly good omelet but I usually end up making more of a country style omelet than the fancy french style. But I always add cheese. It is a good source of calcium but is it also high in fat. I think if you can do without then do without.
My favorite way of having eggs is in eggs Benedict (my Daughter makes it awesome) - lets see, poached eggs, good, Canadian bacon, not so good, whole wheat English muffins, good, holindaise sauce, definitely a no no. Hmmm looks like Eggs Benedict is not on my list :( Think if I added some spinach to it it would help? Didn't think so.
Back to the drawing board.
Next I think I will hit the veggies that I mentioned in this blog. First up will be Spinach.
PS - tried the egg substitute made primarily from egg whites this morning - mixed 1 egg with 1/4 cup of substitute - yuck! I would rather just have one egg. Sadly I bought a whole box of the egg substitute at the local Costco - I guess I'm going to use the rest of it in baking. Lesson - only buy a single if you are trying it out for the first time, if it works, great, if not you won't have wasted your money (duh!).
Egg-cellent
I figured I do a bit more research on what I eat for breakfast - this is part of the Jan will get healthier by eating better part of my life. So I love eggs. Scrambled, fried, poached, hardboiled, omleted (is that a word?), whatever. Just bring on the eggs. If I'm not eating Oatmeal for breakfast then I'm having eggs. So what is good and bad about them.
Well they are low on the glycemic load (I've been reading about that so I will have more on it later). High in Vit A, E and Folate (which is another word for Folic Acid which I wrote about in a previous post). All good. Low in calories, only about 80 per egg. This, of course, is great if you are on a diet. They are a complete protein - easy to digest so you can get the full benefits from it. High in Choline too - simply this helps with Brain functions. Good for diabetics since there are no carbs to deal with.
Bad stuff - Cholesterol. Everyone waves that red flag on eggs but the latest research shows that we actually only get 25% of our body's cholesterol from what we eat. The rest is genetic (or Jeannettic, sorry family joke). So eating upward of two eggs a day (unless you have serious cholesterol problems) is okay.
Bad stuff II - Saturated Fat. Eggs have it. All animal protein has it to some extent. So over doing on eggs is just like eating to much of anything that is high in saturated fat (like steak or butter) it is going to push your saturated fats too high in your diet. This has been linked to heart disease and a possible increase in Breast cancer. I think I will leave Saturated Fat for another blog.
Next: Can I really make eggs any better? Hmmmm
PS. Found new website with lots of information broken out in easy and understandable language - nutritiondata.com - watch the measurements on the items reviewed, some are single serving and some are by the cup.
Well they are low on the glycemic load (I've been reading about that so I will have more on it later). High in Vit A, E and Folate (which is another word for Folic Acid which I wrote about in a previous post). All good. Low in calories, only about 80 per egg. This, of course, is great if you are on a diet. They are a complete protein - easy to digest so you can get the full benefits from it. High in Choline too - simply this helps with Brain functions. Good for diabetics since there are no carbs to deal with.
Bad stuff - Cholesterol. Everyone waves that red flag on eggs but the latest research shows that we actually only get 25% of our body's cholesterol from what we eat. The rest is genetic (or Jeannettic, sorry family joke). So eating upward of two eggs a day (unless you have serious cholesterol problems) is okay.
Bad stuff II - Saturated Fat. Eggs have it. All animal protein has it to some extent. So over doing on eggs is just like eating to much of anything that is high in saturated fat (like steak or butter) it is going to push your saturated fats too high in your diet. This has been linked to heart disease and a possible increase in Breast cancer. I think I will leave Saturated Fat for another blog.
Next: Can I really make eggs any better? Hmmmm
PS. Found new website with lots of information broken out in easy and understandable language - nutritiondata.com - watch the measurements on the items reviewed, some are single serving and some are by the cup.
Cancer Just Keeps Going On and ON! Part 5
So now to deal with the tough stuff. The recurrence left me with a lot of questions and unlike the first time I didn't know what I was dealing with. I thought it must be a recurrence but I also thought lung cancer? Lymph node cancer? And a dozen other things. First step on my list. Divorce my old Oncologist. I figured that I had seen her in January (this was April) and I even emailed her when I was having problems with my arm. So if she didn't jump right on what might have been an issue then I needed someone new. I actually asked my old Doctor for suggestions - crazy right - but I was 'in the system' and needed someone that was 'in the system' for my new Oncologist. I told my old Doctor that she was too far away and she accepted that. Referral given - new Oncologist received. Challenge - the new Oncologist was from Burma and her accent was a bit thick but she was awesome on communication - especially email. You have no accent with email :)
So next step - a biopsy, which was scheduled by my Emergency Room Doctor. So the following Monday I went in and had them take a hunk out of the tumor under my arm. I won't scare you with how this biopsy went - lets just say if you ever need a biopsy make doubly sure that you get enough local anesthetic before they try taking out the piece. Those old breathing exercises from child birth came in very handy. After lots of apologies from the surgeon I was on my way home to wait for my first appointment with my new Oncologist.
I don't know if it was a mistake or not but I went alone to that first appointment. Since that time I have seen others go in to their first appointments with all the family they can drag with them. I guess everyone deals differently. I have a serious streak of independence. So I went alone. I also didn't want to bother anyone - this was me, Jan, having cancer, not the whole world. I think if my Mom was still alive then I would have taken her - maybe - but she passed in 2003. So it was just me against the cancer.
I was told that the biopsy had proved that I had Stage 4 Metastatic Breast Cancer. The cancer I had had in 1999 was angry and it was back. It had spread to my lymph node and then to my lungs. The Doctor was very polite but very pointed on everything. She said I had two treatment options. 'Wooohooo' I thought, 'I have options'. Just wait for it. . . option one was pain medicine. Period. No treatment. Nada. Just let the cancer run it's course. Wow, talk about a let down. Second option - to fight it with everything we have. Beat it back as far as possible and then hold it there for as long as possible. Remember that independent streak, yah, well, I'm a fighter too.
I remember pointedly asking her if anyone survives this - her response - 'at some point the cancer will win and you will lose'. Rats. Deep breath here. Okay. Lets do what we can.
I have to share a funny story here about the Stage 4 diagnosis. I know this is a stupid place to put this but I knew that there were 5 stages to cancer and for a very long time I thought that since I was stage 4 that obviously I had a chance. Not realizing that the first stage of cancer is a 0. Dumb I know. Even with the bad news from the Doctor. I just kept holding on to that for a long time. The Internet cleared that up several months later.
So now comes the bad part. Telling my family. Jeffery and I had everyone sit down and I explained what the Doctor said. Lots of tears were shed. Except by my Son, he absolutely looked at me and said 'I don't know what you are worried about your going to beat this'. And he never flinched from that perspective. Awesome young man. My Daughter on the other hand just bawled. My Husband just held my hand as tears ran down his face.
Two interesting things came after this; one, another Priesthood blessing and two, visiting a man who was battling ALS.
I think we will put that off till tomorrow.
Link here :) Part 6
So next step - a biopsy, which was scheduled by my Emergency Room Doctor. So the following Monday I went in and had them take a hunk out of the tumor under my arm. I won't scare you with how this biopsy went - lets just say if you ever need a biopsy make doubly sure that you get enough local anesthetic before they try taking out the piece. Those old breathing exercises from child birth came in very handy. After lots of apologies from the surgeon I was on my way home to wait for my first appointment with my new Oncologist.
I don't know if it was a mistake or not but I went alone to that first appointment. Since that time I have seen others go in to their first appointments with all the family they can drag with them. I guess everyone deals differently. I have a serious streak of independence. So I went alone. I also didn't want to bother anyone - this was me, Jan, having cancer, not the whole world. I think if my Mom was still alive then I would have taken her - maybe - but she passed in 2003. So it was just me against the cancer.
I was told that the biopsy had proved that I had Stage 4 Metastatic Breast Cancer. The cancer I had had in 1999 was angry and it was back. It had spread to my lymph node and then to my lungs. The Doctor was very polite but very pointed on everything. She said I had two treatment options. 'Wooohooo' I thought, 'I have options'. Just wait for it. . . option one was pain medicine. Period. No treatment. Nada. Just let the cancer run it's course. Wow, talk about a let down. Second option - to fight it with everything we have. Beat it back as far as possible and then hold it there for as long as possible. Remember that independent streak, yah, well, I'm a fighter too.
I remember pointedly asking her if anyone survives this - her response - 'at some point the cancer will win and you will lose'. Rats. Deep breath here. Okay. Lets do what we can.
I have to share a funny story here about the Stage 4 diagnosis. I know this is a stupid place to put this but I knew that there were 5 stages to cancer and for a very long time I thought that since I was stage 4 that obviously I had a chance. Not realizing that the first stage of cancer is a 0. Dumb I know. Even with the bad news from the Doctor. I just kept holding on to that for a long time. The Internet cleared that up several months later.
So now comes the bad part. Telling my family. Jeffery and I had everyone sit down and I explained what the Doctor said. Lots of tears were shed. Except by my Son, he absolutely looked at me and said 'I don't know what you are worried about your going to beat this'. And he never flinched from that perspective. Awesome young man. My Daughter on the other hand just bawled. My Husband just held my hand as tears ran down his face.
Two interesting things came after this; one, another Priesthood blessing and two, visiting a man who was battling ALS.
I think we will put that off till tomorrow.
Link here :) Part 6
Monday, February 20, 2012
Cancer Saga - the next part - #4
So last time I ended with the note - the space between. Rather cryptic I know. But after the chemo was completed and I started on the tamoxifen a number of things happened. First off the Tamoxifen caused my body temperature to rise so that I was warm ALL the time. I would sleep on the top of the bed with the ceiling fan going in the middle of winter. I assumed it was the 'change' since I was battling hot flashes (about 30 a day) and night sweats and thought that maybe that the 'change' had brought on this and that I would be this way forever. I never connected it to the Tamoxifen. Sadly I gave away all my cold weather clothes including all my heavy coats. Dumb. Funny but dumb. So after the five years and I was finished with the Tamoxifen I started to freeze again and realized what was causing all the excessive overheating and got to buy a whole new wardrobe :)
Second, I started dealing with the repercussions of the surgery. The emotional stuff was tough. I didn't cry but I didn't like the body that I was stuck with. I hid myself all the time and wore things that camouflaged my lost breast - even though I had a replacement. The biggest issue was that my bra would slide clear up to my neck if I wasn't careful since the new breast was more of a lump and had no real definition under it. They did more surgery later to try to correct some of that but it still didn't really help. There was nothing for the bra to hold on to. Finally after many unsuccessful attempts I started wearing sports bras - love them. I even found some that have clasps in the back. But it took several years before I would look at myself naked in the mirror without cringing.
Dealing with the repercussions of surgery was a bit easier for me than for others. This is where my personal belief comes into play. I have mentioned that I am a Mormon in past blogs - well we believe that in the next life that our bodies after being resurrected become perfect. Restored to perfection - so all this physical garbage that I am dealing with is just for this mortal life. Not for forever. This makes it personally easier for me to deal with.
So now to deal with the cryptic 'the space between' line. In case you haven't guessed yet - I got to battle cancer twice. Yup, it came back. In 2007 I noticed that I could no longer feel my left arm pit when I shaved in the shower and my left arm ached all the time. My regular Doctor and I could find nothing wrong - he even did a chest x-ray. Nada. So I emailed my Oncologist and she said it was nothing to worry about. I found out later in my readings that what I was experiencing was a typical first sign of possible metastasis of my cancer. Anyway I was sent home with some anti inflammatory drug and a pat on the head.
About 2 weeks later I was out in the back yard BBQing when I couldn't breath - each breath brought on new and horrible pain. My husband took me to the doctors office and they thought it might be my heart and I was given Nitroglycerin . . . twice. Did you know that stuff can give you a horrible headache? Well it does - it opens up everything in your body and wooosh your head splits. At least mind did anyway. Then I was shoved, politely, into an ambulance and taken to my most un-favorite emergency room. I had been there before I found their service to be seriously lacking. Anyway after 5 hours I was sent home and told to see my Doctor in the AM. Stupid.
Well I put off everything and 2 days later the pain was worse so I went to my most favorite emergency room. I got a super Doctor who said 'we aren't letting you go home till we figure out what is happening'. I got run through a CT scanner for the first time and they took a ton of blood. After the obligatory 5 hours (I think this is a rule in all emergency rooms that you must stay that long) the Doctor was back. He said he had good news and bad news. The good news was that I had pleurisy - that's an infection on the walls surrounding the lungs and is very treatable. And then he looked down at his clip board and I knew. You know how you get those sudden flashes of insight and you just know. I said to him 'the cancer's back isn't it?' and he confirmed it. I had a large tumor under my left arm and lesions all through out my lungs. He had already scheduled me for a biopsy the following week.
I remember leaving the emergency room and climbing in the car with my husband and turning to him and asking 'What did I not learn the first time that I have to do this again?' Well folks that would fill books.
Next time: What Stage 4 Metastatic Breast Cancer means and the battle for my life.
Link here :) Part 5
Second, I started dealing with the repercussions of the surgery. The emotional stuff was tough. I didn't cry but I didn't like the body that I was stuck with. I hid myself all the time and wore things that camouflaged my lost breast - even though I had a replacement. The biggest issue was that my bra would slide clear up to my neck if I wasn't careful since the new breast was more of a lump and had no real definition under it. They did more surgery later to try to correct some of that but it still didn't really help. There was nothing for the bra to hold on to. Finally after many unsuccessful attempts I started wearing sports bras - love them. I even found some that have clasps in the back. But it took several years before I would look at myself naked in the mirror without cringing.
Dealing with the repercussions of surgery was a bit easier for me than for others. This is where my personal belief comes into play. I have mentioned that I am a Mormon in past blogs - well we believe that in the next life that our bodies after being resurrected become perfect. Restored to perfection - so all this physical garbage that I am dealing with is just for this mortal life. Not for forever. This makes it personally easier for me to deal with.
So now to deal with the cryptic 'the space between' line. In case you haven't guessed yet - I got to battle cancer twice. Yup, it came back. In 2007 I noticed that I could no longer feel my left arm pit when I shaved in the shower and my left arm ached all the time. My regular Doctor and I could find nothing wrong - he even did a chest x-ray. Nada. So I emailed my Oncologist and she said it was nothing to worry about. I found out later in my readings that what I was experiencing was a typical first sign of possible metastasis of my cancer. Anyway I was sent home with some anti inflammatory drug and a pat on the head.
About 2 weeks later I was out in the back yard BBQing when I couldn't breath - each breath brought on new and horrible pain. My husband took me to the doctors office and they thought it might be my heart and I was given Nitroglycerin . . . twice. Did you know that stuff can give you a horrible headache? Well it does - it opens up everything in your body and wooosh your head splits. At least mind did anyway. Then I was shoved, politely, into an ambulance and taken to my most un-favorite emergency room. I had been there before I found their service to be seriously lacking. Anyway after 5 hours I was sent home and told to see my Doctor in the AM. Stupid.
Well I put off everything and 2 days later the pain was worse so I went to my most favorite emergency room. I got a super Doctor who said 'we aren't letting you go home till we figure out what is happening'. I got run through a CT scanner for the first time and they took a ton of blood. After the obligatory 5 hours (I think this is a rule in all emergency rooms that you must stay that long) the Doctor was back. He said he had good news and bad news. The good news was that I had pleurisy - that's an infection on the walls surrounding the lungs and is very treatable. And then he looked down at his clip board and I knew. You know how you get those sudden flashes of insight and you just know. I said to him 'the cancer's back isn't it?' and he confirmed it. I had a large tumor under my left arm and lesions all through out my lungs. He had already scheduled me for a biopsy the following week.
I remember leaving the emergency room and climbing in the car with my husband and turning to him and asking 'What did I not learn the first time that I have to do this again?' Well folks that would fill books.
Next time: What Stage 4 Metastatic Breast Cancer means and the battle for my life.
Link here :) Part 5
Meatballs
I'm learning how to make meatballs and take better photo's with my camera. Didn't succeed totally on either side but I am learning :) I use other recipes as a jumping off point so I have this recipe book that is 100 recipes for beef - it's an ancient book - got it at a library book sale. This is adapted but when I say adapted it means if you read the recipe in the book and compared it to mine you would say they weren't even close. I can never leave well enough alone.
Meatball - experiment #1
1 lb of ground beef - I used low fat
1/4 cup of Parmesan cheese (note no salt in the recipe - the cheese adds that)
1 cup chopped cooked spinach (I had fresh and cooked it in the microwave then chopped it up)
1/4 tsp pepper
1 egg
1 tsp Worcestershire sauce
1 tsp oregano or Italian spice
Combine in a bowl then roll into 1" to 1 1/2" balls. Roll the balls in the following:
In a bowl combine 1/2 cup whole wheat bread crumbs (I make this from my whole wheat bread when the bread decides not to raise - why waste it - bread crumb city - but put it in the freezer or it will go green since it has no preservatives).
2 tablespoons of Parmesan cheese
Pretty aren't they :)
Bake in a 375 oven for about 15 minutes then turn on the broiler to low and broil for another 5 minutes but keep an eye on them.
Then we just added them to our favorite marinara sauce and we were good to go.
I think next time I will suspend them over the pan so that the fat will drip off. They make a very thick meatball that tastes awesome.
Enjoy!
My Spice Rack :)
So I found my digital camera this weekend and am experimenting with photographing things that my Husband, Jeffery and I have done to the house. First off - my spice rack. I absolutely hate digging through the cabinets to find whatever spices I am looking for and I have no counter space for any counter top spice rack so quite a while back I had my Husband build me a box (for want of a better word) which he mounted on the wall. Simple pine 1" x 3" - cut - screwed together and painted white. The mounting bracket is actually on the top and since the spice racks are so high you can't see them.
Then I went down to the local Cost Plus and found these small white lidded bottles - perfect for spices. I wrote on the top of each bottle (which you can't see unless you lift down the bottle so no glaring labels). I also added some hooks on the bottom for hanging kitchen shears.
I actually have 2 of these - one on each side of my garden window. They work perfectly.
This shot shows the dimensions of the box better. Depending on what spice bottles you find you can customize them for your wall.
Love it! Enjoy!
Monday, February 13, 2012
Cancer Saga Continues - Part 3
Sorry - zoo of a week last week - I left off with the post surgery last time - one breast down and one rather lumpy replacement. And a ton of healing to do - both in mind, body and in spirit. There is something rather depressing about loosing one's breast. I mean you spend your whole teen years trying desperately to have breasts and then with a single knife swish it's gone. Stinks. I was so tied up in the surgery and treatment that the depression about this didn't come on for quite a while after everything was done. But for right now I had a ton of support dealing with the hear and now - not only from family and friends but from a rather odd source - an online bulletin posting board.
The medical provider I had at that time was Kaiser and they were experimenting with online support in the form of posting board. So after the Doctor and several nurses suggested it, I joined one. There were only 3 other people on that board at that time and they saved my life. One was the Nurse (just to make sure we weren't giving each other bad information), one was a 15 year survivor and one was just ahead of me in treatments. They kept cheering me on from the side and were there when things didn't go exactly as planned. Their advice and help through everything made the journey much easier. I LOVED them!
My healing did not go exactly as planned. The drainage tubes were taken out too soon and so my wound weeped. It was a nasty mess and ended with part of the skin on my tummy where the breast was taken from turning black and having to be removed. All generally yucky. I did make the joke on the posting board about the new caterpillar that had taken up residence on my tummy (it was the stitches sticking out after they had remove the black skin). Finally by the first of May all healed and my name was put before the Tumor Board.
The Tumor Board is a group of Oncologist that meet to discuss your continued treatment. This is where the results of my biopsy that took so long came into play - apparently I had a HER2 positive cancer. This is a genetic mutation that make simple cancers way more aggressive (25% more increase in a recurrence) and the board was at a loss at to what to do with me. They should have been shaking my hand and wishing me a happy cancer free life but this little flaw in my cancer had gummed up the works. So it was off to UCSF.
I was sent with all my paperwork up to University of California at San Francisco and their world renowned cancer center. I met with a Dr. Tripathy, who was the best of the best on breast cancer, and he explained to me about the HER2 factor. The final decision was Chemo and then 5 years of Tamoxifen. Time to go shopping for hats :) Love shopping for hats. Sorry I digress.
Chemo started in mid May with the first of 4 treatments. My wonderful friends drove me to the treatments and kept me from driving by the hospital (the zoo was just a bit farther and was looking better and better all the time). Please don't think that my Husband wasn't there every step of the way but he worked commission so to keep eating he absolutely had to keep working. That's where my friends took over.
Chemo is an unknown for everyone - they have lots of wonderful drugs that usually help with the nausea so that all that you feel is tired. The key word here is usually. I made it home, had dinner, put the kids to bed and then starting throwing up. My poor husband, Jeffery, just held me between bouts. Usually when you throw up it is because your tummy is sick - with chemo what's making you sick is in your blood and no amount of throwing up will help. But your body doesn't understand that so hanging over the toilet or sink is how I spent my first few days after a treatment. Toward the last treatments they just heavily medicated me so that I would sleep through the first week after treatments.
One week after the treatment my head starting developing small pimple like spots. My hair was trying to fall out but also growing and I was getting small zit like lesions on my head. The Oncologist was called and the suggestion (strong suggestion) was to shave my head but not to the skin but just to a 1/4 inch all over so I could treat the spots. When you are on chemo you don't heal easily or fight off disease so they always freak out when something that might even suggest the possibility of infection occurs. So I disappeared into the bathroom with the razor that I used to cut my husband and son's hair and exited with a new doo. Unfortunately my hair started falling out in earnest about a week later and it was a mess. I don't know what women do who don't shave their head because even with my uber short hair it itched and was everywhere.
Next time - the space between :) Link Here :) Part 4
The medical provider I had at that time was Kaiser and they were experimenting with online support in the form of posting board. So after the Doctor and several nurses suggested it, I joined one. There were only 3 other people on that board at that time and they saved my life. One was the Nurse (just to make sure we weren't giving each other bad information), one was a 15 year survivor and one was just ahead of me in treatments. They kept cheering me on from the side and were there when things didn't go exactly as planned. Their advice and help through everything made the journey much easier. I LOVED them!
My healing did not go exactly as planned. The drainage tubes were taken out too soon and so my wound weeped. It was a nasty mess and ended with part of the skin on my tummy where the breast was taken from turning black and having to be removed. All generally yucky. I did make the joke on the posting board about the new caterpillar that had taken up residence on my tummy (it was the stitches sticking out after they had remove the black skin). Finally by the first of May all healed and my name was put before the Tumor Board.
The Tumor Board is a group of Oncologist that meet to discuss your continued treatment. This is where the results of my biopsy that took so long came into play - apparently I had a HER2 positive cancer. This is a genetic mutation that make simple cancers way more aggressive (25% more increase in a recurrence) and the board was at a loss at to what to do with me. They should have been shaking my hand and wishing me a happy cancer free life but this little flaw in my cancer had gummed up the works. So it was off to UCSF.
I was sent with all my paperwork up to University of California at San Francisco and their world renowned cancer center. I met with a Dr. Tripathy, who was the best of the best on breast cancer, and he explained to me about the HER2 factor. The final decision was Chemo and then 5 years of Tamoxifen. Time to go shopping for hats :) Love shopping for hats. Sorry I digress.
Chemo started in mid May with the first of 4 treatments. My wonderful friends drove me to the treatments and kept me from driving by the hospital (the zoo was just a bit farther and was looking better and better all the time). Please don't think that my Husband wasn't there every step of the way but he worked commission so to keep eating he absolutely had to keep working. That's where my friends took over.
Chemo is an unknown for everyone - they have lots of wonderful drugs that usually help with the nausea so that all that you feel is tired. The key word here is usually. I made it home, had dinner, put the kids to bed and then starting throwing up. My poor husband, Jeffery, just held me between bouts. Usually when you throw up it is because your tummy is sick - with chemo what's making you sick is in your blood and no amount of throwing up will help. But your body doesn't understand that so hanging over the toilet or sink is how I spent my first few days after a treatment. Toward the last treatments they just heavily medicated me so that I would sleep through the first week after treatments.
One week after the treatment my head starting developing small pimple like spots. My hair was trying to fall out but also growing and I was getting small zit like lesions on my head. The Oncologist was called and the suggestion (strong suggestion) was to shave my head but not to the skin but just to a 1/4 inch all over so I could treat the spots. When you are on chemo you don't heal easily or fight off disease so they always freak out when something that might even suggest the possibility of infection occurs. So I disappeared into the bathroom with the razor that I used to cut my husband and son's hair and exited with a new doo. Unfortunately my hair started falling out in earnest about a week later and it was a mess. I don't know what women do who don't shave their head because even with my uber short hair it itched and was everywhere.
Next time - the space between :) Link Here :) Part 4
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