So I'm going to share with you my first steps after telling my family. Both of them helped and both of them were very hard for me. First I went to visit a friend's husband who was dying of ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease) and had been hospitalized so long that I had never ever met him. My Son was going over regularly to help with physical therapy and said that I would really like him. So off to visit Michael I went.
My first impression. A Man that must have at some time been very large (which was confirmed later by family pictures) but now was just a mere skeleton. His legs and arms had atrophied and he had a Trachea tube in. But what an amazing person. What an amazing couple. Karen, his wife, buzzed around him sharing all the things that were going on and asking what he thought. His communication was mostly eye blinks and smiles. She had brought him Taco Bell food - he hated hospital food. I was wallowing in my personal depression having just that day been given my personal death sentence but being there with the two of them made my world straighten right up. Yes, this could be, in part, my personal future - a hospital bed and waiting for the end. But truly these two fought till the end and loved and supported each other. As Karen told me when we left 'somedays are good and somedays aren't - you just treasure the good one's'. A goal for the rest of my life.
The second thing that occurred was my Priesthood blessing. Again a reminder that I am Mormon, a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. And at this point again I have to bear my witness of God and his goodness. The Priesthood power here on this earth is evidence of that. Each blessing that I have received in my life has been life changing. Some have brought hope and some have taught me patience. All have spoken to my soul. This blessing far surpassed anything that I have ever had before.
The blessing was given by a good friend, Edward, and my Husband, Jeffery. Jeffery asked Edward to be the voice for the blessing since Jeffery was sure that he would never make it through. We have a joke in our home that all Priesthood blessings are accompanied by a shower. Yup, I married a crier - wouldn't have it any other way :)
The blessing was more than 15 minutes long and most of it was actually directed to my family. I hope you will forgive me but it was such a personal experience that I don't feel that I should share what was said that day with all of you. Just know that I was blessed with peace whatever may come and that I was not promised anything about surviving. My Son said later that I was promised that I would survive but I never heard it. I think that not hearing was an important part of my learning experience that needed to come from this challenge. If I had heard that I would survive then I wouldn't have worried. But as it was I learned to live with fear as my constant companion. I trusted the Lord but I also did not want to do this - hence the fear of what the cancer experience would bring. I hate pain - no, I think you would understand better if I said I feared pain. This was the basis of my fear.
So what to do next - well the month of May was full of tests. Another CT Scan with 'banana crap' for imaging, a bone scan to confirm that my bones were clear of the cancer and a MUGGA for my heart. One of the drugs I was to be given was Herceptin to fight the HER2 positive cancer. Unfortunately it is very destructive to your heart, hence the MUGGA. Lots of blood was taken too - I figure there is enough blood that has been taken from me over the few couple of years to make another one of me somewhere.
Next- the final go around and then Chemo.
Next Link :) Part 7
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